I'm a Pain in the Ass Because..

This morning, I awoke and went through my usual procrastination ritual: scrolling through my various news feeds, and just so happened a pon this 'Don't Bother Abducting Me - I'm a Pain in the A**' shirt. It was all too fitting to the morning I had..

First, a backstory of sorts: See, the thought, "Dude, you're the biggest pain in the ass" comes in to my head throughout the course of my day at least four times before lunch. Fast forward to somewhere around 4am this morning when that first very thought of the day popped in to my head, for I woke up and decided that'd be a good time to start thinking of what to buy from Lush tonight. Because clearly that can't wait until a normal hour. And so I laid in my bed last night/this morning for about an hour thinking and making a list of things I needed wanted to buy.
Most items on said list, now that I'm awake, I can't even read because 4am and writing seemingly do not go hand in hand.

I'm also a pain in the ass because I constantly ruin the photos that my friends look the cutest in:

I'm a pain in the ass because I get grumpy at Jesse until he brings me to food.

I'm a pain in the ass because I don't eat meat so mum must make special meals for me.

I'm a pain in the ass because I text mean things to my friends:

I'm a pain in the ass because my body is too sensitive to the cold, necessitating 500 blankets on my bed during Summer, subsequently killing my boyfriend. He doesn't stay over much anymore.

I'm a pain in the ass because I wake my brother up at stupid times in the morning to get spiders out of my room.

I'm a pain in the ass because I annoy Jesse with my nonsense while he's at work:

I'm a pain in the ass because I lay in the sun on my lunch break, then complain about how sunburnt I am until home time, when I go and complain some more to a whole new set of ears.

I'm a pain in the ass because I text my best friend shit intended to ruin her day..
Every single day:

I'm a pain in the ass because I get way too heartbroken when one of my fish dies, so I call Jesse over to dispose of it (which he loooovvveeesss doing) while I sit in a corner crying.

I'm a pain in the ass because I sabotage my workmate's desks when they're having a sick day:

 

I'm a pain in the ass because when I break something, I leave it for someone else to find.

This is literally only a small handful, folks. Moral of the story? Do not befriend me. Don't even try. Save yourself before it's too late 'cause there ain't no getting rid of the pain in the ass that is Christie once she leaches on to your very being.