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Sunday, March 30, 2014

I Can Breathe Again.

Something my boyfriend has helped me learn over this past week is how important it is to have a good relationship with yourself.

No human is perfect. Part of being human is being imperfect. Being flawed. I think our flaws play a major role in determining who we are as a person. As a person with many flaws, I also think it is far easier to address these imperfections than it is to address our good qualities. We live in a society where self praise is looked at as conceited or stuck up or egotistical. But if we can't love ourselves, then who is to say that anyone else is going to be able to love us?

This is something that has taken a long time, and I still have a long road ahead, but I now know I can let another in. Last week was the first time in over four months I gave myself permission to let down my walls and open up to Jesse about my demons. I have come to realise he won't judge me, I know I can stop pushing him away because he's a stubborn son of a bitch and ain't going nowhere. There are no words for how much better I feel for doing this. I feel light, as if this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I instantly stopped worrying what other people thought of me, I instantly stopped stressing and shutting him out. I know I'm a good person now, and that's all that matters.

I've realised it's important to be happy in your own company, and having an evening just for me is something I want to  start doing on a regular basis, taking the time out to love yourself and do the things you enjoy is key. Something I always like to do is have a long shower, watch whatever series I'm currently marathoning, read a magazine and paint my nails. Having time to relax is so important and I have learnt this the hard way. I was working my ass off every single day and not having a break, I was stressed to the max, constantly tired and in a shitty mood, and took it all out on my family and boyfriend.

Personally, I think when your in your twenties it is the time to be selfish and put your own needs first and make sure you do everything you please because if you don't do it now, when will you?

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