What Moving House Has Taught Me About Myself

If you didn't know that Jesse and I were building a house and moving in to it at the start of July then hi, welcome. You must be new around here because its been pretty much all I've talked about for the past 5 months.

We've been on our own for almost a month now and I think that we're finally kind of getting the hang of this whole adulating thing. Doing things for myself was definitely a shock at first but we're both still alive today, so we must be doing something right, right?

Having never moved house (or anything, for that matter) in all of my 23 years of life, I didn't really know what to expect from this whole process, but boy have I learnt a lot about myself, about Jesse and about life in general.

I'm more patient than I thought I was

There have been trying times throughout this process, of course, but I'm actually very proud of how I've handled them. I always thought of myself as someone with a very low level of patience in general, but I should have given myself a bit more credit - I have far more patience than I thought.

It's possible to live with less

GUYS! They're not kidding when they say that the cost of living is ridiculous. I've always been one to squirrel away some of my paycheck to savings and then spend the rest on food or make-up but now that my salary goes in to looking after the two of us, the "selfish" spending has been cut down dramatically and I'm actually okay with it. At the end of the day, we can buy the cheaper branded food and still be fed, we can sacrifice a little selfish spending and buy the nicer appliances, and we can live with less and still be happy.

I enjoy living like a tourist

Okay, maybe living like a tourist is a bit much, but I really do enjoy acting like a tourist and spending the day exploring my surroundings. It’s amazing how much people take for granted in their own hometowns. Although we moved a literal 5 minute drive away from the house I grew up in, I made it my mission to find all of the unique/special places, pretty parks, good cafes/restaurants in the area.

My O.C.D. is actually much worse than I thought it was

I was diagnosed with anxiety and mild O.C.D. a long time ago, and I thought that I was managing it pretty well.. and I was, until I moved in to a house that is constantly dirty and cluttered, that is. I simply cannot handle mess or things out-of-place, and living in a house that currently sits atop a pile of sand means that I'm constantly sweeping and mopping. We're also still unpacking so there's boxes, knick-knacks and general junk scattered throughout the place. As I result, I'm stressed, I'm not sleeping, I'm irritable and I'm uncomfortable. I'm dying inside, guys.

Jesse and I work well as a team

My workmates actually made a bet based on how long it will take for Jesse and I to have an argument and THEY ALL LOST (smartasses) because throughout the whole moving and living together process, we haven't had any major/noteworthy/life threatening arguments. Of course we've had the odd small disagreement here and there, but we can read each other like a book. We both know when we need to come together and we both know when to give the other space. We've accomplished a lot as a team already and I'm quite proud of it.

I should have appreciated my mother more

Even after such a short time spent fending for myself, I have an insane new level of appreciation for my mum. Cooking dinner, making lunches, doing the laundry, keeping the house tidy, all without a single complaint. I don't know how she does it (pls halp).


All in all, though, I'm so excited to continue doing what we're doing and making this house our home. This is an exciting new chapter in both of our lives and I'm so happy that I get to spend it with the one that I love most.

We're (Finally) Homeowners!

I am beyond relieved that I finally get to publish this damn post. Honestly, there was a time where I thought that the day would never come. But here we are, a year later, and Jesse and I can officially say that we are home owners.

Well, actually. We can officially say that we are the owners of a sand pit at this point in time, but as of yesterday, everything has been set in motion and eventual homeowners we shall be!

The process was a difficult one for us. It should have taken four months at the most, but ended up taking almost a year. We may as well have given out our bank logins like my boss gives out business cards to our brokers and banks (yes, plural). We experienced set back after set back, mess around after mess around and just when I was beginning to feel as though I was going to live in my parents house until the day I died, the stars aligned, a new broker came on to the scene and he Got. Shit. Done.

So, after a year of back and forth, sending through document after document, and almost losing an arm to signing papers, we’re building a house. Living together, paying bills together and sharing chores together is going to be a big adjustment for the both of us, but I cannot wait to start the next chapter in our lives together.

Happy Anniversary, Jesse.

On January 13, 2014, my life changed for the better. Words can’t describe how grateful I am to have you in my life, dearest Jesse. My best friend, my rock, and my most favourite person in the whole world.

I knew you were something special from the very beginning. You were selfless enough to drive an hour to have lunch with me at work while you had time off, you were understanding enough to overlook my (many) flaws, you were nurturing enough to go above and beyond to take care of me when I was sick, and you were the best damn thing that has ever happened to me. Hands down.

You aren’t perfect, but you're perfect for me. You've sacrificed so much to support my dreams and help me to achieve my goals. You make me smile when I’m feeling down. You've seen me at my worst and stuck by me through it. You catch me every time I'm about to fall. Your dreamer personality teaches my realist self how to be more spontaneous and positive. But most importantly, I just plain enjoy spending all of my time with you. Not once in the 1,095 days that we've spent together have I tired of you, because life is easy when you go through it with your best friend.. That, to me, is true love.

We've shared many wonderful memories as boyfriend and girlfriend over the past three years and despite all of the ups and downs that come with any relationship, I know that you love me inside and out. Happy anniversary, baby. Thank you for being you. I can't wait to begin our new and exciting life chapter.

To The Person Who Made 2016 My Best Year Yet.

Well hello there, friends. Thank you for allowing me some time over the holiday season. I hope you all enjoyed the festivities with your loved ones. I'm back on the blogging scene much earlier than expected, and I hope that I can get back in to the swing of a publishing routine of sorts, but since I'm not one for resolutions, I couldn't think of a better way to kick off my blogging year then with a post about the person who made 2016 my best year yet.

It really is no secret who this person is, and damn straight it shouldn't be. Aside from the fact that Jesse is just generally amazing, he also helped me to make it my most successful year yet, and for that I am the most grateful. There’s a lot of uncertainty and fear surrounding chasing big dreams, especially when it feels like you’re doing it alone, but I was so lucky that Jesse was by my side through it all. I knew that taking up tertiary studies was going to be challenging, but there was no way I could have known how much trying to gain a diploma whilst working full-time, going to the gym regularly, trying to build a house, and maintaining a blog and social life on top of the usual stresses of daily life would take out of me. At times, I was left doubting whether I could handle it, but it was he who pushed, encouraged, supported, helped and motivated me when he himself wasn't having the best of years. All he ever wanted to do was see me conquer the world and he made many sacrifices to see that happen. His belief in my abilities was what kept me going through the times where I felt like I ha nothing left. I was constantly reminded of how far I had come and how proud of me he was and I just plain couldn’t have done it without him. I only hope that I can do the same for him and help chase his goals in 2017.

Summer Christmas Themed Date Ideas.

Australian Edition.

And by Australian edition, I mean Any-Country-Where-Christmas-Is-In-Summer Edition.

Because we don't get snow, we don't get to cuddle by the fire and we sure as hell don't get to wear cosy sweaters. No, Sir. Instead, we get temperatures upwards of 35 degrees Celsius, a bad case of heatstroke and a hangover to boot. But! Just because it's hotter than the third level of hell come December, doesn't mean that we can't do cute and festive couple-y things in the lead up to Christmas, right, guys? RIGHT?!

Below is a list of a few of my personal favourite fun (and cheap) Christmas date ideas appropriate for the Summer months:

Will you be doing any of these with your partner this Christmas season? What are your traditions? I'd love to know!

Betrayal.

Ohai, big ol' white space that should contain words, but doesn't. The truth is, I've written this post about four times this week, and deleted it just as many. At the start of today, I was convinced that I wasn't going to blog about this at all because it falls in to that category of topic that I just don't know how to cope with but hey: Christie was cheated on.

Though it could have been worse. His betrayal was strictly online, and although he could have physically slept with another opposed to doing it online, in my mind, Christie was cheated on.

I won't share the gory details, because I'm so very disinterested in re-living those few disgusting weeks for the ten-zillionth time this hour. So, I've been a little MIA on the ol' blogaroo of late, and I'd like to apologise. But that's the thing about betrayal. It consumes you.

I got my heart broken over the weekend by the one person I trusted and it was quite possibly the most I've hurt in a really, really long time. I think that betrayal is up there as one of the most painful human experiences. It's a given that this person cares about us, respects us, and wouldn’t dream of hurting us, especially intentionally. When a person you’ve trusted suddenly undermines you, your world is turned upside down. When the only person you've trusted suddenly undermines you, well you can go ahead and multiply those feelings by ten billion and you're about half way to the hurt that's going on inside me right now.

In true Christie fashion, I got mad. Super fucking mad. Because how could he do this?!
See, I'm backwards. When I grieve, rather than feeling sad, I get angry first. Because pain is pain. Suffering sucks. And people who inflicted it deserved to die in the most excruciating way possible and I haven't been even remotely successful in holding myself together. Vodka has become my very bestest friend; Because alcohol is more fun than feelings. Food has become my enemy; Because my stomach won't stop heaving. I've been musically abusing myself; Because I get a strange enjoyment out of listening to songs that will send burning pain into my soul.

I'll do almost anything to avoid sitting with grief because it's so consuming, so exhausting, so bottomless. I mean, why grieve when I can watch 40 episodes of 90210 in one sitting? Why grieve when there's at least two bottles of Vodka left on my nightstand? Why grieve when there's endless cat videos to watch? Why grieve when you can self-destruct the hurt away?

Because grief isn't fucking going anywhere. That's why. Dulling the pain only pushes grief into the shadows. It waits beneath the anger and anxiety and once the cocktail of alcohol and pills have worn off, it's all that you have left.

 Sure I am functional. If by functional you mean my hangover doesn't prevent me from getting out of bed and chucking on some eyeliner, all to auto-pilot through my day before I get to come home and do it all again. Yup. Fun-ctional. Perhaps "fun" is too much to expect of anyone going through the pain of infidelity. Definitely.

---

It has been four days since I wrote the paragraphs above this one. Four whole days this post has sat untouched. Four days down the track, the rage and disgust have subsided - ever so slightly, and have made way for the oh-so fun pain stage. I'd, in all honesty, rather stay unbelievably angry than to feel the way I feel right now. At least the anger makes me feel in control of my emotions, this debilitating sadness is crippling. After all, it's hard to feel perfect when he's looking at you with mascara all down your face, shaking uncontrollably in a pair of old trackies and a hoodie, convinced that he cheated because there was something wrong with YOU. Because surely she is hotter, smarter, funnier, sexier, more spontaneous than the pathetic, sobbing ball you crumpled in to.

When I woke up from my attempted night's sleep this morning, I noticed something stirring inside me that wasn't there before. It wasn't until about lunchtime that I realised that letting go of some anger and allowing myself to be sad had made way for compassion. Compassion for myself. If I'd messed up in the past, I beat myself up. If one thing went awry, I'd blame myself. I knew no other way but to hide behind my tough girl act. Instead, I began to praise myself. I gave myself kudos for getting up and going to work each day. I patted myself on the back for not murdering anyone. I congratulated myself for having kept myself alive. And I feel better.

Because this was not my fault.

I find myself falling it to the classic "once a cheater..." frame of mind because my friends, the single, cynical people they are believe that with every fibre of their being and it's been pounded in to me from day one. I never liked to believe it. I've always liked to think that people can change if they want to yet every time I think I can forgive, that phrase comes rushing in to my mind. And I don't even mean it. It's like a defence mechanism of the brain, because it doesn't want to go through it all over again. People have moved on from these situations together and have eventually come out happy on the other end. I hate this. I hate what it's done to us. But it also has the potential to pull us closer. If he truly proves himself, if enough effort is put forth, if he works his ass off to gain my trust and forgiveness, we can move forward. I will never trust the same, but we can move forward.

I've struggled with all of this decision making, because I kept worrying about what everyone would think. What would they have to say about my forgiving him after his actions? It disappoints me to admit because I know it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. All that matters is true happiness and if he can demonstrate the patience and expend the energy to fight for an 'us', to make me feel like the only one again, to prove he truly loves me the way he claims, then you're sure as hell I'll take true happiness with the one I've always thought of as 'soulmate'.

It's going to be a long-ass road ahead but I'm choosing to take the leap of faith and give him the chance to fix this. Here's to hoping.

A (Literal) Letter to Jesse: Happy Birthday.

Thanks A Lot, Jesse.

I guess two or so weeks ago, I began developing somewhat of a new habit..
Does anyone remember that 'Thanks Obama' video that was all over the interwebs circa two years ago?  With the times, Christie. With the times. insert thumbs-up emoji here

Anywhoozle, if you were living under a rock in 2013 and didn't climb back out in to the real world until this new year's eve, it's basically a video where everything and anything was blamed on President Obama - Funny shit and I've basically picked up that very mindset.. only you can just go ahead and replace Obama with my boyfriend and welcome to the weird and wonderful world of Christie Brown, population: 1.



I guess when you spend so much time with another human being, everything and anything links back to or reminds you of them in some way or the other. I guess nobody other than Jesse will actually understand what this post is even talking about, rendering it a pretty big and pointless waste of time, but hey! It's fun to blame things on other people..

For example:

I still have the strongest desire imaginable to bob along to 'Happy', the song I loathe the most.

Thanks a lot, Jesse.

I chose to listen to Metallica over Drake on my drive to work today. 

Thanks a lot, Jesse

I crave Hungry Jacks' meatless hash brown cheeseburger hourly.

Thanks a lot, Jesse.

I now say 'pudding' instead of dessert'.
Thanks a lot, Jesse.

I've found myself (secretly) watching the highlights from the F1 Grand Prix all morning.

Thanks a lot, Jesse.

I wake up lonely because my sheets smell like him.

Thanks a lot, Jesse.

There's a spot on my doona that looks suspiciously like the sauce he had on his lamb chops the other week.

Thanks a lot, Jesse.

My car will never be fast or loud enough to satisfy me.

Thanks a lot, Jesse.

I tripped over the cord to my laptop this morning.

Thanks a lot, Jesse.

My bin needs to be emptied because it's full of lolly and fast food wrappers.
Thanks a lot, Jesse.

Whenever someone asks me what I want to do, my first thought is "TIMEZONE!"

Thanks a lot Jesse.

I find myself browsing Facebook for car events to go to.
Thanks a lot, Jesse.

My TV was on full-blast and scared the shit out of me when I turned it on this morning.

Thanks a lot, Jesse.

I'm disgusted in the fact that I am sad because 'Dead Island 2' isn't coming to Xbox 360.
Thanks a lot, Jesse.

Or how about the fact that an XBox 360 permanantly resides in my room..

Thanks a lot, Jesse. 

..and I play it. All the time.

Thanks a lot, Jesse. 

I can't go a single day without missing his face.

Thanks a whole fucking lot, Jesse.

Silly Valentines Cards.

Now, if y'all know anything about me, it's that I'm basically one giant awkward turtle, especially when it comes to expressing how I feel about another human being because feelings are gross.
It's safe to day I'm not the best at Valentines Day-ing, but with it just around the corner, I thought I'd share with you a few cards that are on the silly side but still show you're thinking of that special someone.

You're welcome, fellow turtles.

Cockroach card // Dobby & Socks card // In Public card // Your Eyes card

Optimus Fine card // I Tolerate You card // Unicorn Enchilada card

Kanye & Kanye card // Shit, Bitch card

Valentines Day Gift Guide for Him.

Unless you live under a rock, you've surely been bombarded with heart-shaped boxes, flowers in all shades of pink and red, jewellery sales galore; Yup. Valentines Day is only four days away.


If you haven't even started your Valentines shopping yet (because let's face it: buying for a boy is freakin' hard!), never fear! The online word is here to help. I mean, really help. I think this past week, I've seen a good 30+ VDay gift guides so what's one more? Mine's better anyways.
 
I kid, I kid.
Here's my list of top presents to buy for your boyfriend, dad, brother, friend or any other male in your life on February 14:

 

 

Lynx hair products*
An easy (and cheap) gift for the dude who spends more time in the mirror than you do. Trust me when I say these hair gels and sprays all smell amazing - Bonus!

Gold Class movie tickets
A gift AND a date all in one. It's like the movies, only fancy!
Sidenote: Christie's going to see 50 Shades of Grey in Gold Class this Valentines Day. Yusss. ;)

XBox Live membership voucher
Or an Xbox if you're feeling generous.
Whether you get him a 3 month, or a 12 month membership, you're basically guaranteed to be the best girlfriend in the world in his eyes.

Cologne. My favourite is Diesel's 'Only the Brave'
I love me a man wearing a  good cologne. Sah sexayyyyy.

Skull iPhone dock
THIS! I'd actually buy this bad boy for myself it's that rad. It's one of those fun, quirky gifts he's guaranteed to love, just because it looks cool.

Calvin Klein underwear
Yum. That's all I have to say.

The Hungover Cookbook
This is more so for students.. but it's one of those gifts you buy with intention of being a little silly, but that he ends up using quite regularly.. Or you force him to use when wake up after a girls night out.

The Worst Case Scenario Handbook
Another silly gift. Providing frightening and funny real information.. Because you never know.

Citizen Watch
Scientifically proven fact: dudes love watches.
Statement may or may not have any scientific proof behind it.


I hope this helps you last minute gift buyers.
Whatever you do, whoever you spend it with, have a wonderful Valentines Day!




* I was compensated by Lynx to include their product in this post, but all opinions are 100% my own.

Thoughts on Valentine's Day.

I'm going to say something right now, and you're either going to throw whatever you're reading this on out of a high window, or you're going to fly away with those creepy-ass love heart eyes before melting in to a puddle of moosh..

Valentine's Day.

I am personally somewhat on the fence about it all.
 

I mean, I'm grateful to be living in a world filled with so much love, I really am, and whether you're single, taken, or anywhere in between, any good reason to celebrate love has always been okay by me just so long as it's genuine.



The thing that irks me about Valentine's Day is people spending money on gifts for their significant other that don't really mean anything other than "I bought you this because I thought I had to". I've always thought that if you love somebody, you should show it every day, not just once a year because it's convention. I find it rather silly to need to have a day to remind you to show someone how much they mean to you.



I may be somewhat bias, however. Jesse makes me feel so incredibly loved, and so very special every day of the year, and we're always going on little dates and having nice dinners, so I could probably live without a dedicated day but if I was with someone who isn't as open about his feelings and doing romantic things on the daily, yeah, I can definitely see the appeal.

Regardless of your feelings towards the day, I think a woman can appreciate a man acting as if Valentine's Day was the most important day of the year. Whether he meant it or not, he should know that a woman would appreciate the kind gestures and thought he put in to planning out a day to make her feel special. Pretend you don't care all you want, if it gets to Valentine's Day and he's put zero effort in to even finding you a card, you're going to die a little inside. I know I would.

Other than insincere notions, the thing I can't even deal with is the haters. My irritation isn't directed at the singles who dread February 14. After all, it's a big ol' reminder that they don't have a partner and if you're single and unhappy about it, of course it's upsetting to see all dem celebrations of love. No, I'm talking about those opinionated loud mouths. They're the ones who really irk me. I'm fine with those who see the holiday as a fake celebration, crammed down our throats by corporations, if that's how you feel, then fine. At times, I tend to agree. But it's the people who very loudly, and repeatedly express their disgust for the day, make people feel stupid for enjoying it, publically posting hate about how shallow people are, and what suckers everyone is for wasting their money..

Images via The Oatmeal

..Stahp. Just stahp.

The point (about time, Christie) behind my rambling is this:
Love Valentines Day? Good, have a great day. Hate it? Fine, have a great day. Don't give a shit either way? Okay, have a great day.

If you don't like Valentines Day, then fine, but if it really does mean so little to you, I kindly invite you to shut the fuck up and just treat it like any other day. Leave those who love it to do their thing without fear of judgement and embarrassment.

Just go on ahead, be quiet and have a sexy adventure on Feb 14..
..with someone who smells nice.
 

Less complaining.

More sexy adventures.
Everyone wins.

One.

One year ago today, I said yes to my now best friend and love of my life.

I can't believe it's already been a year since we've officially been together. It’s crazy how much of an adventure it’s been and I feel like our life has been such an incredible whirlwind so far. The more marriages and relationships I see, I realised a faithful, kind, gentle, and selfless man is a rarity in this day and age. I know it's only been a short amount of time, but it honestly feels like I've known him a lifetime and every moment has been pretty damn great. When I look at him, I can't imagine going through life with anyone else. I don't tell him that enough.

After about a month of getting to know each other, I unexpectedly fell head over heels and life had a whole new meaning when Jesse came into it; he has opened my mind to the world...before I met him I was so sheltered and scared to go outside of my comfort zone but then, for the first time in my life, I could relax and be myself and he loved me just the same. I opened up. I told him my secrets, my passions, my dreams for the future. He became my hero, the person I could trust, the one I could confide in, the one who loved me. We've made the best memories. We laugh the hardest when we're together. We have the most fun. He was one of the most refreshing and wonderful things that could ever have happened to me. 

Jesse is the reason why I've become a braver person. But most of all, he is one of the major reasons why I'm happy and will always be a huge inspiration to me. He would always put me first and himself last. After being with him for a year, I realize that is who he is. He constantly strives to please me and make me happy. He continues to amaze me. He is always patient with me, and talks through our problems or differences of opinions.

 Like any relationship, ours has it's ups and it's downs, but it has been the most wonderful year of my life, with the most precious person on this earth to me. Our love for each other has only grown over the past year… we have experienced hard times, and many happy times, but what matters is, we are going through it together.

I want to end this by saying thank you, Jesse. Thank you for always strengthening me. Thank you for being my rock throughout everything, putting up with my shit, and letting me annoy you daily; That's love, yo. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m so blessed that I get to call you mine. Happy anniversary, Sparkie.

Obligitory Lame-As-Shit Anniversary Post.

Feel free to vomit continuously whilst reading.

As I type, Jesse is seated next to me, watching cartoons, totally oblivious to the world around him.
When I look at him, I am reminded of many things that led us to right here, right now. Many of those things make me smile. Some make me wish I would have said or done things differently in the moment. And some of those things remind me that our relationship has been a labor of love. Sharing your life with someone can be trying, but through it all, we've learned and we've grown.
And it's been worth it.

Through it all - every up and down, twist and unexpected turn, there is one thing I never question about my relationship - how much we truly love each other.

It's in the way we look at each other. How we tell dirty jokes. It's in the way we make fun of each other. It's in the little every day things we do for each other (admittedly, Jesse is much better about the little things than I am). When I look at him, I can't imagine going through life with anyone else. I don't tell him that enough.

I'm pretty sure a good relationship is built upon encouraging your partner to embrace their inner child.

That and back rubs.

Jesse and I are certainly guilty of not dealing with an issue right away and giving silly things too much significance. Our relationship is not perfect. Far from it. There are days I want to hug Jesse and days I just want to smack him. We push each other's buttons. We make each other laugh. We comfort each other. And when it comes down to it, we make a pretty great team.

Building and sharing your life with another person so intimately isn't easy, and we're just getting started. There is a lot of work and compromising ahead for Jesse and I, as well as a lot of wonderful moments, and I have no doubt that it will be worth it.

Heartbreak and how to Deal.

The whole point of a blog is to share your personal experiences, your daily thoughts, feelings and latest happenings. An outlet to express your emotions and feelings, right? I feel my blog has been more about fashion and beauty than my personal musings. The thought of posting something raw and being seen in a vulnerable light by faceless strangers who know exactly what I think and feel makes me shudder. What if they judge me? What if they think I'm pathetic? What if they post harsh comments?

Whelp, Sir. Today is a changing day in my life.

Your ugly words are just a reflection of the person you truly are.

I do not want simpathy and I am not seeking attention. I simply want to use my little online space to express my innermost feelings, allow myself to vent and release some of the things stampeding around in my mind. Perhaps I can help someone else going through the same thing. Perhaps someone can help me. I am no longer am afraid to open myself up to the world. I welcome your love, support and kind words. Sometimes it takes the kindness of a stranger to make you appreciate human life.

I have succumbed to an awful break-up with my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend) of two and a half years a week ago today. Details are not important but I found out he'd been lying to me for a year.

We'd been fighting about a few things for a couple of weeks and we were drifting apart. He was neglecting me and my needs, to the point where I was terrified to go out in fear I would cheat just to feel wanted by a man. I put it down to him going through some things, he'd been in a rough patch for quite some time; hating it here in Perth, wanting to leave, fighting with his mum constantly. He was depressed. Finally, he snapped. After spending a whole night cuddling I thought, maybe we can sweep all our fights under the rug. But no, an ad that sparked up the topic for one of our fights came on T.V. the next morning and we were off, fighting about everything we'd been attempting to forget about. When suddenly, he blurts out he'd been lying to me. He never stopped doing what he promised he would a year ago and he never really intended to.

My heart sank, the one man I'd ever trusted had been a liar. I felt sick to my stomach and I could see he did to. We both just sat there crying until he had to leave because he couldn;t take the look on my face any more. I texted him, asking if he was done. I begged and pleaded with him to work it all out with me but he didn't want a bar of it. He was done.

I instantly fell in to a deep depression.

I stopped eating, I didn't feel hungry. After about four days of having a completely empty stomach and no desire whatsoever to eat, I quickly started getting sharp pains and felt extremely dizzy and lethargic. I knew this was bad. Very bad. But I couldn't bring myself to fix it, I am broken.

 I stopped contacting all male friends and pushed everyone away, I stopped sleeping in my room because everything reminded me of him, I ignored my family, I cut myself, I was miserable.

I kept texting him long, pour-your-heart-out messages about how much I loved and needed him. He kept shutting me down, saying it's what's best, he needs to work on himself, think of his future, move on, be happy again. I reasoned saying you won't be happy without the person you love to support you through the shitty times and give you cuddles when you needed.

We did the whole exchanging of the belongings that Friday. Seeing him again was heartbreaking. We sat in my car for a good two hours talking, crying, hugging. He expressed how much he missed me and how confused about everything he was, he admitted that he loved me and was miserable now and this was the hardest decision he'd ever had to make. Then, he kissed me. So passionately, it gave me false hope. Maybe he'd miss me too much and come back. He's not done with us, this isn't what he wants.

Apparently, it was. I sent him a few more long texts and he's quickly gone back to not wanting a bar of it, saying his mind was made up.

Yesterday, I made one final push. He called me in the morning and caught me off-guard. I said I'd text him everything I wanted to say because I'm terrible on the spot. He PROMISED he'd call me on my lunch break. So,  I texted my final message. A long, heart-felt essay of a thing about how much I wanted to make this work, how willing I was to fight, blah, blah, blah. I made it clear that this was my last effort, after that, I'll leave him alone. Lunch time came and went, no call. He texted me saying he won't call but it's definitely over.

THAT was the changing moment. His failure to call after he promised he would. No effort, nothing. It wasn't anything huge, but it was all the closure I needed. I realised then that's he's a coward, running away when things got tough. It was the push I needed to realise I’m better off.

I decided, from then on, I’m going to be positive and move on, no more waiting around for him to change his mind, no more pathetic, long texts begging for him back. It all hit me, why should I be the one begging for him back when HE'S the one who messed us up?

He’s miserable without me, and I’m proving to myself that I can be happy without him. I made it clear that if he wants anything, he can contact me, if he wants to hang out, he can make the effort, I won’t be contacting him for anything and it felt SO GOOD! I feel so revitalised! As of today, I’m going to work to become a better version of myself, do things I want to do; hang with friends and make new ones, go out on the town, just be happy.

I've thought long and hard about it as part of my 'new me' phase and I've come up with a few things to help us deal with a break-up. I've followed my own advice and it's helped me a lot.
I'm not saying I'm 100% fine, but I'm getting there, one step at a time.

#1: Let yourself be sad.
There are those breakups that are so bad that you will need a good cry. Let yourself have what you need. Let yourself go and let yourself obsess over every little detail of the breakup and the relationship. You will need to do this for yourself, I sure did. You will need to allow your mind to take it all in so that by the time you get back up on your feet, you know how you feel.

Once you’ve cried your heart out, it won’t make you feel better to wallow in your own sadness any longer than you need to. One week MAXIMUM! Do'nt give him the satisfaction.

If you do need some time to think about everything again, tell yourself you will spend 10 minutes thinking about it and then move on. This will allow your brain to “schedule” sad time and you will feel like you have control over the situation instead of feeling miserable 24/7.

After you have your pity party, it’s time to start getting happy again!

#2: Cut out the sad stuff.
Stop listening to that emo playlist on repeat. We all do it. Instead of listening to Adelle, I put scary screamo music and Evanescence's My Imortal on repeat and listened to it on the drive all the way to and from work. Seriously, does not make you feel good.

Pump yourself up by turning on uplifting tunes, watch a great movie (NOT The Notebook!!!), or dive into a good book.

#3: Cut him out.
Your ex is the one who made you sad, so it might be a good idea to cut him out.

Try doing a 30-day “cleanse” where you promise yourself you will not have any contact with him. It will help you to realize how much you can stand on your own two feet while he realizes how much he hates not hearing from you. Seriously, it drives them insane!

Get rid of anything that reminds you of him; stuffed toys, momentos, flowers, everything.

My best friend and I burnt all my memories in a bonfire.. Bit extreme..

Delete his number so you're not tempted to make contact. If you're brave, delete his Facebook so you don't see his status updates.

Step #4: Get busy!
Focusing your energies on your job, schoolwork, or your hobbies is the best way to get your mind off of your breakup. Getting busy will help you to focus on the challenges and adventures in your own life. It will also help to eliminate those moments when you are bored, thinking too much. Now is the time to start focusing on YOU, work towards the promotion you have always wanted, take your breakup as a chance to ace your finals or volunteer for a good cause.

It’s also fun to try something new; take up yoga, join a sporting team, take a class, get certified, the world is your oyster! Do what you've always wanted to do, there's nobody holding you back.

#5: Be your best self!

My favourite step!
Start loving yourself again. The best revenge against your ex is looking fabulous. More importantly, it will make you feel great about yourself. Get to the gym, and get on a healthy track. Sweating it out at the gym will also leave you tired and help you sleep more. It's a great way to release any anger you may have. Although it's childish, I find it's great motovation when I think "I can't wait to show Matt how hot I've gotten!" Have some serious retail therapy time with your girlfriends; get your nails done, go shopping, treat yourself to a massage. Or even better, take your girlfriends on that trip you had been planning to go on with your ex.

I really hope this helps any poor chick-a-dee out there going through the same thing. Surviving heartbreak is something you can do, it’s just a matter of how well you do it. I just wish I knew all this BEFORE I made an idiot out of myself.

New and Improved Christie To-Do-List:

• Enroll in a hip-hop dance class
• Take up yoga
• Head to the gym and get some sexy abs going on for Summer
• Find and go after a career in Event Planning
• Re-decorate my room
• Google more positive quotes and plaster them around my desk
• SMILE!